i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
