I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
