Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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