u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
