Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
