I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize