New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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