im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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