so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
