We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
