Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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