I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you made out with another girl for some wings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
