The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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