I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize