fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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