So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
