dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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