I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
