Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
