Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My life is pants optional.
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