You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
