Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
