I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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