yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
