His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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