MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
