just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
