she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
