I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
