youre lurking in front of me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
