She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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