That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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