YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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