I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
