I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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