You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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