Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
