He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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