It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
