She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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