flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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