is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
