i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
