is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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