Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
