I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
