Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
