oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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