and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
