I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
