There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
