Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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