im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
