Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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