Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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