I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
