when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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