Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
