I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
