she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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