i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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