she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
