I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
