Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
