I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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