btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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