guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
