And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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