So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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