for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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