U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
