I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
