We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
