around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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