Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
