i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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