Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
