i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
