see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
