apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Enjoy the penises
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
