You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Terrible idea I love it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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